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Brianne Simpson |
I remember my first introduction to Brianne. It was a picture of her leg. Nice to meet you, Brianne. (She'd included the picture of her leg with one of her very first Facebook posts.)
That was months ago and I've since learned that my first impressions were correct - she is strong, proud, and going places. I've also learned that there is so much more to Brianne. She cares deeply for others, she is open, she is vulnerable.
This is Brianne's story . . .
How old are
you?
I’m 19 and
will be 20 in January.
Where do
you live?
Ottawa,
Illinois. I live at home with my mom, dad, little sister, and three dogs.
Tell us a
little about yourself.
I’m not
married and I don’t have kids – well, unless you count my puppy. I have three
dogs, two boys and one girl. I love them to death!
I’m a
full-time student at the local community college. I’m majoring in Early
Childhood Education with Special Education and Clinical Psychology.
What is
your sarcoma diagnosis?
Synovial
sarcoma in my right knee.
In what
year were you first diagnosed?
I was
diagnosed on December 20, 2012.
Have you
had surgery, chemotherapy, radiation treatments, something else?
I had surgery
to remove my cancer and then I underwent 33 radiation treatments.
What is
your prognosis?
It’s good.
They were able to remove all visible signs of the cancer from my knee when I
had surgery. The radiation I had after was to make sure everything bad stayed
away. As for right now, I’m in remission, and I’m thankful for that every day.
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"You can't give up hope when you're fighting against something like this." |
What is
your biggest piece of advice for someone who is newly diagnosed with sarcoma?
Wow . . .
that’s a loaded question. I’d have to say the best pieces of advice I have is
to always have faith. You can’t give up hope when you’re fighting against
something like this.
There are
going to be days when you feel miserable, but if you can keep your hope and
faith, and put yourself into a good mood, it will make things easier and help
you get through it.
And another
thing . . . don’t be afraid to ask for help. The people who love you want to be
there for you.
How are you
feeling today?
I’m feeling
pretty good today. I finished my treatments in April, and I’ve been recovering
since then.
My leg has
healed. The mental part of things is what I have the most trouble with lately.
I’ve had a few scares while I’ve been in remission, but things have come out
clear for me so far.
Tell us
your diagnosis story.
My story
started a few years before I found out about the cancer. I fell a few times
between 2009-2012. I went to the doctor and they all told me I’d be fine. I
used crutches and went to physical therapy like they told me, but my leg never
got completely better.
So, finally,
in 2012, my family and I started pushing the issue. We went to a knee
specialist near our town and they told me I was fine and that things were in my
head and told me to take ibuprofen. I did what they said for a while before
going back and telling them it wasn’t any better.
They finally
ordered an MRI and then things really took off.
I had 4-5 MRIs
in a week and was then sent to an orthopedic oncologist specialist seventy-five
miles away in Chicago. At that time, they still didn’t think I had cancer. I
had a few appointments with the specialist and a biopsy was scheduled. The biopsy was a failed attempt because even
after they numbed my leg, I could feel everything they were doing.
The decision
was made to remove the mass. I had surgery on December 20, 2012, and that was
the day I found out I had cancer. My oncologist/surgeon came in and explained
that it was a cancer called synovial sarcoma.
I don’t think
I realized what that meant at the time. After the doctor left the room, I asked
my mom, “Does that mean I have cancer?”
I remember
looking around at the family that had come with me to the hospital – my mom,
dad, and two of my aunts. I could tell they had all been crying, and that
scared me because I’d rarely seen them cry.
I remember
thinking that I didn’t want to lose my hair. And then I remember thinking that
I didn’t want to die. I was too young and had too many plans.
I was scared.
Terrified. But I tried not to let it show. I wanted to be strong for my family.
I wanted to be strong for myself.
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Brianne (R) with her younger sister "We never talked about the worst-case thing that could happen with her around" |
What about
your sister?
She was 11 at
the time of my diagnosis. It’s hard to tell what she really thought about it.
I’m not sure she fully understood. We didn’t lie to her – my parents explained
to her that I was sick and that it was serious. I think we all sheltered her
from it as much as possible because it scared her. We never talked about the worst-case thing that could happen with her around.
She was always
trying to help me when I couldn’t do something for myself. She’d make me laugh
by doing something dorky.
I feel guilty
because I was getting so much attention from everyone and she wasn’t getting as
much as she used to. She’s the baby of the family.
She never once
complained about the lack of attention. Not even when I had to miss her first
basketball game for an appointment. She said it didn’t matter and there would
be other games.
My sister is a
trooper. She’s a good kid, and I love her so much. I never forget to hug and
kiss her goodnight anymore.
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"I had to face reality; I was a cancer patient." |
Tell us
about the radiation treatments.
Radiation is
when things got real for me. Up until that point, I could pretend that I didn’t
have cancer. After I started radiation treatments I had to face reality, I was
a cancer patient.
I went to
radiation five days a week for 6.5 weeks. My days got to be pretty routine: get
up, head to radiation, go home, get ready and go to school, go to work, and
then pass out from exhaustion. There were times that I couldn’t go to work and
some days I would miss school and sleep all day. Radiation sucked.
I met some
amazing people at radiation. There was an older couple there every day at the
same time I was there. They call me their adopted granddaughter now and I love
them.
What side
effects of treatment have you had?
I was
exhausted. I hated to get out of bed most days, and I missed so much school. I
was in my first year of college and I was lucky that my teachers were as
understanding as they were.
My leg burned
something fierce because of the radiation. The treatments split my freshly
healed surgical scar open and burned the heck out of my leg. The pictures my
mom took to document everything are gruesome.
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"I fought for my life and won." |
You have
scars. Tell us your philosophy about them?
Ahh. My scars.
I love my scar. It isn’t something I’m ashamed of. It’s big, and it’s ugly,
yes. But it’s part of me and it tells a story.
I fought for
my life and that scar is proof.
I don’t mind
that people stare at it when I wear shorts. I like when people ask about it.
I’d rather that they stare and then ask about it rather than stare and
awkwardly look away when I catch them.
I get a lot of
looks at school. I can feel when people’s eyes are on me, but I’ve gotten used
to it and I’m not self-conscious of my scar like I thought I would be. It’s my
battle wound.
I fought for
my life and won. Why be ashamed of the evidence of that fight.
And what
about your emotional scars? How are you doing?
The anxiety,
depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), that’s what’s been tricky
for me. The PTSD isn’t something I’ve been diagnosed with. But to be honest,
after cancer, I don’t think you need a psychologist to tell you that you have
it. You just know you do.
I’ve
considered seeing someone, but that kind of thing is expensive and I don’t have
insurance. I’m don’t get nightmares, but I get the overwhelming emotions of
fear and helplessness. It can get in the way of everyday things sometimes and
it can change my attitude and point of view in a second.
It’s hard to
deal with. But I have to. I won’t let it rule me.
I toughed it
out by myself for awhile, but around the time of my scans, I get such bad
anxiety, it’s not possible to hide. They know I get scared and stressed and
anxious. I take anxiety medicine at night to help me sleep when I need it.
I think this
kind of thing probably gets better with time. But for me, it’s all still fresh.
More recently,
my other leg has begun to bother me, which causes all kinds of panic and
anxiety. It’s hard to sort my emotions. I’m not sure how much of it is
psychological.
Was (or is)
your life on hold while you work through your illness?
My life was
definitely on hold. But at the same time, I was always trying to push forward.
I didn’t want my life to stop completely so I continued working throughout most
of my treatments – only taking a leave of absence when I just couldn’t do it
anymore.
I continued
with school, too. Even though I missed a lot of classes, I pushed through and
I’m proud of myself for that.
A lot of my
emotional relationships went on hold, though. I was afraid to make new friends
because quite a few of my old ones had stopped talking to me. They didn’t know
what to do with me, or what to say, so they said nothing and disappeared.
It’s gotten
easier to make friends. Though I still get that look when they find out
I was sick.
What is the
funniest/strangest question you’ve been asked about your illness?
People asked
me a lot why I didn’t look sick. They assumed that because I hadn’t lost my
hair, and because I looked healthy, that I wasn’t sick. They didn’t understand
that just because I was trying to smile and be happy and positive, and because
I looked healthy enough, that I was really sick and exhausted and had no energy
for anything.
What is
your hidden talent?
They call me
the Child Whisperer. Haha. I’m really good with kids. I love working with them,
and teaching them, and being around them. They’re so sweet and just perfect.
After we'd completed the interview, Brianne had an MRI to look at the trouble with her left leg. Here's what she told me. "The MRI results came back, and it isn't cancer. I have a torn meniscus in my other knee now . . . I'm just thankful it isn't something more serious."
Keep in mind that Brianne's story is just that - her personal story. Nothing here is meant to be medical advice (see your own doctor for that) and the attorneys like me to remind you that her views are not necessarily those of Sarcoma Alliance. (Though we do believe in being thankful for good test results.)